Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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