My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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