just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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