I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
