you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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