you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
