I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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