You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
