I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your penis caused this!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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