Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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