my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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