chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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