I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
