Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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