i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
