Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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