Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
