The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
