Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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