Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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