i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
