Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
