Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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