So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
