brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
