So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
