I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
