people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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