my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize