I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
