so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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