Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
