So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
