I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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