he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
