She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Randomize
