Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
