it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize