Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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