Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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