lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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