There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
