In the future we'll all be gay
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
