if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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