I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
