YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
