Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize