Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
