we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
