if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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