my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
