u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
