I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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