take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
