For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
