i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
