Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
