At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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