I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
