So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
tell me about the fingering
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
