Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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