so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
