i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
