WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No subtext here. People are naked.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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