I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
